A Hug before A Tissue

ON HOW A FITNESS PRODUCT TEACHES ME ABOUT LIFE:I was witness to (and participated to some extent) in a recent experience where there was a divide between fitness enthusiasts about a new health product. Some loved it and some did not. As what happens in life about most things, right?

The fascinating element in this was not that people disagreed, but what was triggered in people on both camps as a response to the other. There was no filter in those that loved it to call the one's who did not 'crazy' and proceed to glorify how much they loved it,used language that pushed the ones that did not into a box labeled "negative" and a verbal party about how this product is the best thing to have happened proceeded. A human reaction.

The one's that did not like it did voice their displeasure too, proceeding to describe why they did not, how disappointed they were etc.

What ensued was that the one's that loved it continued to sing about how wonderful it was and the one's that did not were silenced. There was no room to say "hey! I did not like it" with safety amongst peers and an opportunity to learn and grow was missed. An opportunity where the one's experiencing displeasure could have received acceptance and safety to disagree even if the majority felt otherwise. Instead, the perceived "negative" was shut down. Whether in the name of understandable business strategy or not, it had an outcome that was not desirable to any even though not many have noticed it. A section of the people were made to shut up. Sadly.

This is not about the product or fitness enthusiasts or what happened. All people involved were human and okay.

It is an example of how we are socially conditioned to shut down what is perceived as negative. We are conditioned to need to "fix" a feeling that someone may have that is not one of happiness. If someone is discouraged we instruct them to "BE POSITIVE!", we throw around phrases like "turn the frown upside down" and "suck it up". We call the ones that had a negative experience of something we love "nuts". We seem inadvertently trained to look at the one who has a undesirable experience and attempt to make it go away(whether in emotion, about products, TV shows, cultural preferences etc.). While a lot of it is done to "help" ,either the person or those that may be exposed to the displeasure in general...I almost always see it have a different outcome.

In the days that passed since the fitness product description, there is complete silence from those that did not like it, and those that did have not stopped reiterating how much they do. What happened here?Did those that did not like the product magically start to think otherwise?Nope.

What happened was there was a message that "if you do not like something, don't talk about it or take it elsewhere" . COMPLETELY unintentionally, but this is what happened. What COULD have been done differently is to speak to those in a "negative" space differently. It was an opportunity to let them know that its OKAY to not like something as it is okay to feel sad, angry, demotivated and discouraged because we are human and then offer solutions. This would have resulted in the ones not liking the products still feeling included and involved as opposed to silenced and alienated.

But much like in life, what happens is that we speed through to fixing a perceived negative situation and forget about the one who was in distress. When we see tears we offer a Kleenex before a hug when a hug could lead to a person who cries wipe their own tears(which is the desired goal, isn't it?).

What has conditioned us to be this way?Why is it that we make conversation, family, groups and society so unsafe for the "negative" when we ALL feel negatively?Why is it SO hard to offer support by sitting with someone's discomfort and allow it to play out as it needs to.

When did our discomfort about someone else going through discomfort become so unbearable that we inadvertently ignore the need of the one who hurts?Imagine a child who walks in with a gash on his knee...would you put a band-aid and then ask them to "cry elsewhere"? You would likely comfort, understand and nurture the physical and emotional wound simultaneously. how come we treat adults so differently?

The next time you hear someone not like what you like, or cry in front of you...notice what happens. Would you like to be called crazy because you love something or are happy?Then why do it to someone who isn't it?

" I am sorry this is not working for you/feel this way. I personally don't but I am glad that there are options you could try...maybe we can figure this out together to help you feel better?". THERE! How hard was that?